a miraculous site to behold

he may not be the most famous, but he is definitely the most fabulous jewish baby boy in the world. what better day than today to rave about the miraculous birth of a jewish baby boy to a wonderful mother and father (rbaruchdad). okay, so he wasn't born today, but neither was the other jewish baby boy whose birth many in the world are celebrating today. my nephew, "The Beaner with the impressive Wiener", was born on December 9, 2004. we celebrated his 1st birthday two weeks ago with lots of food, presents and a pinata. no he's not a mexican jew but I, his mexican manny, have to ensure that he is immersed in as much cultura as possible so that he can hang with the gente when he grows up and can handle himself with the other mocosos when they tease him about being a guero.

there is so much to say about the boy, but let's start with his LJ nickname...
The Beaner with the impressive Wiener
He loves Beans. he's all about 'em. even when he's sick and doesn't want much of anything he'll eat beans. all kinds of beans - green beans, black beans, pinto beans, whole, mashed, hot, cold. if it's a bean he'll put it in his face. when he is feeling like himself he literally shoves the beans into his mouth. sometimes his hand can't move fast enough for his appetite. but he does his best. one at a time between his thumb and forefinger if he's feeling patient and decadent. but usually he just grabs a handful and proceeds to pack 'em in, fist and all. the only other thing he likes to eat as much as beans is ice cream. he got that from his mom. but the bean thing, well who knows, but I'll gladly take credit as the numero uno beaner in his life.

as for his impressive Wiener...don't take my word for it. this one came straight from the mohel's mouth. amidst all of the blessings and prayers uttered at his bris milah, the man who sees countless infant wieners laid the foundation for genital confidence for our boy, "nice unit" he spoke as he prepared for the sacred snip. apparently this kid lives up to those flattering stereotypes about hung hebrews.

if the mohel's opinion doesn't impress how about stripping in Vegas? on his first trip to vegas he was a show stopper. after the water show at the belagio his wiener was the most impressive site. when his uncle "titanic turd" couldn't Hold 'Em with the old biddies anymore, and his other uncle "sprung zebra" tore himself away from gazing longingly into his fiancee's eyes, they joined the boy and his dad in the men's room. they had been talking about it all weekend and building up to the unveiling. And there, before their eyes, on the changing table in the big stall, the wiener was revealed. the three of them stood in awe and confirmed what the mohel knew to be true, this kid does indeed have a nice unit. if nothing else it's the beginning of a bad joke "a black guy and two jewish guys with a baby walk into a bathroom stall...."

aside from his beans and wiener, he really is a miracle. on the day he was born, after the doctor finally got a good hold on his leg, we all breathed a sigh of relief and thanked the universe and his ancestors for such an awesome gift. the first time i held him he looked right at me. and every time he looks at me with those bright blue eyes, that toothless smile and budding jewfro i thank the universe for him. he loves to dance to the jazzy version of the ABC song, he loves his mom, dad, dog and viva las vegas binky, he loves his cat and is the only one allowed to freely grab and pull on her without losing large quantities of blood, and he loves to turn pages. his pure love and excited curiosity for life remind me to be true to myself and appreciate and enjoy the simple things in life, like pooping.